I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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