I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
