my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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