we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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