i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
