Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
