I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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