I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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