So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
