I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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