i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
