Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
