If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
