oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
