I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
