Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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