would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
