My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
