I'm going to jail i love you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We left the knife in your bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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