I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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