Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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