I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
