I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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