the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
