Dual....:-)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
