Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Send help, water and tortillas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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