ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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