Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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