I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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