don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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