I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
