why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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