she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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