dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he fucked my hip out of place.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
