porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize