Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
