i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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