Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Randomize