My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
