so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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