oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
