I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
