Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
