jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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