Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
