In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
