I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
try to milk me bitch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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