Small penises have feelings too.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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