Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
