I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
