Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
