I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
