how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
