Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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