you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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