Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
