on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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