she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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