He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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