Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
