Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got chris browned last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
