I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
