Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
