I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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