So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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