So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
one might say we're banned from that church
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.