So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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